My daughter said that I had a nightmare the night before last and that she had to wake me up in the middle of the night. There getting to be so frequent that now I don’t even remember when she comes into my room. I must have been sleeping on my left side. If I want a freightless nights sleep I have to sleep on my right. Life is so funny, I sleep on the right but when I’m awake I lean to the left.
Last night I did not sleep half the night for some reason or another. Walking in the morning was on my mind as I tossed around. I needed to sleep so that I could get up early enough to walk and be home before my daughter left for work. I finely fell asleep around 4 am and woke with the birds at exactly 5:20.
The first problem was, none of the clothes were assembled like they usually were. All my walking shorts were still in the dryer. I ran down stairs, piled them into the basket, lugged them up the stairs, hastily dressed, unleashed Max and was out the door 10 minutes later then normal.
The second problem was someone had switched off Max’s collar. Alika had left Max’s choker on him the day before and I thought he still had it on so I quickly snapped on his leash and was down the street before I realized he was just wearing his fancy one.
No time, I had to keep moving while all the while I envisioned Max doing his twisting and pulling as we passed other dogs. Angrily, I doubled the leash around him and just kept going.
Four blocks out now and it is the spot where Max drops his load. Only now he has decided that he wants to play Ferdinand and just smell the flowers. Tick, tick, tick. I did not have enough control without his choke chain. I could not pull his collar up high nor could I do the fancy snap that always got his attention.
“Your not the pack leader, your not the pack leader.’ I was taunted by those words from the kids. Max was now pulling me over every other minute and we were getting no where. My peaceful walk, my chance to mull things over in my head never happened. In fact it has never happened since I started walking him. My frustration and stress got the best of me. I pulled him to me and dragged him back home never finishing or for that matter hardly starting my walk.
This anger gets the best of me at times and it is at these times I just want to run away. Like when I was a kid. Only then I would just hide in the closet to see if anyone would miss me. Now if I hid in the closet it would only cause problems for my daughter who would have to deal with it and she has enough stress.
Getting home, I fed Max and walked back to the front to cool off. I hoped that by watering the plants I could calm down but I was greeted by a big green, snarled hose that had beenå thrown off to the side. My granddaughter had washed her car! Now I was really mad and I was spitting nickels. After I untangled, flipped all the kinks, and stretched the hose to its destination I started to water.
My dog George came to mind. I could see me walking to kindergarten and George doing his serpentine walk in front of me sniffing all of the bugs and plants as he went. I’ve never felt that he had a grand, or even good life as my pet. He didn’t sleep in the house, he never went anywhere with the family and he ate mostly table scraps.
His days were spent dodging the dogcatcher. And that is what I thought about while I drenched the roses. George was my Jerry Seinfeld. No matter what went wrong he would come out of hiding and go about his business. His uncanny awareness of the dogcatcher was legendary no matter how they would stalk him they could never catch him.
His life was full of upsets and yet he was always there, sniffing in front of me, showing up after school every single day to walk me back home. And he was always a happy dog.
You know, I never dream about George. He was the best part of the first 15 years of my life. Why do I let little things bother me, why do I invite the terrors of my life into my dreams? Maybe I have to hide behind a bush when the dogcatcher, that is my anger, starts to thread its way into my life. Sit and smell the flowers in those bushes and then come back out when the coast is clear and serpentine, serpentine, my way through the rest of the day.å
10 months ago